My girlfriend read on the internet that apomorphine works as a female Viagra, and overnight she transformed from a sweet young girl who let me put my penis inside her into a crazed vaginalist who could make any man's scrotum turn inside-out with a flick of her cervix.
I wanted her back, so I went on the internet, and the internet said that taking drugs was cool. It didn't say which drugs. So I took all our drugs. Even the yellowy bottle in the back of the medicine cabinet with the pills that had little mushrooms growing on them. Then I went out at night and bought some drugs from a man who had three teeth. I told him I was buying his drugs to get my girlfriend back and he laughed a lot which is how I could count his teeth. He laughed and laughed until he shat himself. I know he shat himself because he was naked from the waist down. I asked him why he was naked from the waist down and he said the night air was good for his leg pipes. I asked him if he'd read that on the internet and he said he hadn't so I hit him in the face until he died. Which made me a bit upset so I went home and took all the drugs.
I didn't feel very cool so I went on the internet and it said body modification is cool and had pictures and descriptions and everything so I sort of cut my penis in half a bit. With one of those box cutter things. It didn't seem very useful. The two halves kind of flopped to one side, like strips of banana peel. I tried putting some batteries into the sections to make it hard, but it stung and was also quite cold. But I thought it was cool that I needed two hands to masturbate. One for each half, sure. But still.
My girlfriend did not think it was very cool.
The internet said my girlfriend had had sex with Lemmy from Motorhead until he cried.
I hated the internet and told it that if it had a face I would hit it in the face until it died.
The internet called me a dogfucker and said that girls like babies in their bellies.
Babies really really don't fit up girls. I tried. Quite a lot.
I thought it was very lucky that the hospital had so many babies in that room, because trial and error was using them up quite fast.
When I got out of prison, I found out that the guy in the next apartment had done something to our computer that meant he controlled everything we read on the internet. He was living with my girlfriend now.
I am a man with two bits of a penis and drug-induced brain lesions and a murder conviction and a weak wrist from trying to push babies back up nurses.
I blame the internet.
[Warren Ellis, meta: fastfiction]
I wanted her back, so I went on the internet, and the internet said that taking drugs was cool. It didn't say which drugs. So I took all our drugs. Even the yellowy bottle in the back of the medicine cabinet with the pills that had little mushrooms growing on them. Then I went out at night and bought some drugs from a man who had three teeth. I told him I was buying his drugs to get my girlfriend back and he laughed a lot which is how I could count his teeth. He laughed and laughed until he shat himself. I know he shat himself because he was naked from the waist down. I asked him why he was naked from the waist down and he said the night air was good for his leg pipes. I asked him if he'd read that on the internet and he said he hadn't so I hit him in the face until he died. Which made me a bit upset so I went home and took all the drugs.
I didn't feel very cool so I went on the internet and it said body modification is cool and had pictures and descriptions and everything so I sort of cut my penis in half a bit. With one of those box cutter things. It didn't seem very useful. The two halves kind of flopped to one side, like strips of banana peel. I tried putting some batteries into the sections to make it hard, but it stung and was also quite cold. But I thought it was cool that I needed two hands to masturbate. One for each half, sure. But still.
My girlfriend did not think it was very cool.
The internet said my girlfriend had had sex with Lemmy from Motorhead until he cried.
I hated the internet and told it that if it had a face I would hit it in the face until it died.
The internet called me a dogfucker and said that girls like babies in their bellies.
Babies really really don't fit up girls. I tried. Quite a lot.
I thought it was very lucky that the hospital had so many babies in that room, because trial and error was using them up quite fast.
When I got out of prison, I found out that the guy in the next apartment had done something to our computer that meant he controlled everything we read on the internet. He was living with my girlfriend now.
I am a man with two bits of a penis and drug-induced brain lesions and a murder conviction and a weak wrist from trying to push babies back up nurses.
I blame the internet.
[Warren Ellis, meta: fastfiction]
posted by:
|
Canada
|
